


space and stars and everything that remains in my heart

by SpaceOut



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ?? - Freeform, ADD Characters, Angst, But so is everyone else, Cis dude who doesn't care Hunk, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Crossdressing, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Coran, Hispanic Lance (Voltron), Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Hunk & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Hunk wears skirts, Keith is a joke, LMAO, Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Langst, Misgendering, Multi, Resolved Misgendering, Space Magic, There's an endgame relationship, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Female Pidge | Katie Holt, Trans Lance (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Trans Shiro (Voltron), Transitioning, Transphobia, binders, but it is yet to be decided, however, hunk and keith are the only cis ones here, i don't have ADD but legit everyone thinks i do so, latino characters written by latino person, okay my man just likes feminine stuff this isn't a kink my dudes, pretty much, shE WENT WHOOPS, space, trans allura, trans characters written by trans person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 11:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11805351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceOut/pseuds/SpaceOut
Summary: Lance is trans. He knows this- most other people do too, nowadays, it's part of his identity, but it's not the sum of him. However, in this story, we do follow his life with this part of him. We follow his triumphs, his failures, and his adventures through life as a transgender male.And boy, that road is rocky, but so, so worth it in the end.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> this,,,isn't,,,,venting,,,,n aH
> 
> also, latino or trans characters written by latino trans person welcome to hell ya'll
> 
> lmao i've been both told i was ADD then denied it so,,,,whoO KNOWS  
> ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yoinkes

_In my heart, in my mind, in my soul, I feel something different, different from what I am, what my hands show, what my blood and bones are made to be; which one is truly me?_

            --

            Lance was 12 when he learned of the term, 13 when he started to wonder, 14 when he knew. His family embraced the fact with welcoming arms. He was happy, for the first time in a while, he was happy.

            --

            Lila rubbed her hands together as she walked up to her little sister- er, brother? Brother. Dammit, she has to get better at that. Soon, too, he's about to go into high school, and he'll get- no, no. Focus you stupid ADD brain.

            "Lila- move, you're right in the way of the TV!" He groaned, trying to look around her. "Scoot, scoot, aw, come on, I lost the match!"

            "We need to talk," She placed her hands on her hips, making the gold chains on her wrist jingle. "You're about to start high school soon and-"

            "-I hope you're not going to give me the talk-"

            "-I'm not going to give you the talk, I just need to ask you something."

            He got a weary look in his eyes and crossed his arms awkwardly, trying, probably subconsciously, to hide his boobs. "What would that be?"

            "I'm guessing you don't want to go into the new school year with a woman's name. Would you like to....find another name?"

            He blinked, at least seven times- oh she remembers when he was seven, always wearing a bright smile and wore his hair in two buns on either side of his head because of an anime that he had seen on TV-

            "Lila, back on me," He poked her stomach, that same bright smile on his lips.

            "Right, yes, what was your response?"

            "Yes, I'd- I'd like to change my name. Can...you help me?"

            "Give me two minutes to grab the laptop, turn on some music- inspirational, you piece of shit, this is montage time."

            "Yes, senorita!"

            --

            "Hannibal?"

            "Seriously, Lila?"

            --

            "Leonardo?"

            "I'm not taking dad's name!"

            "But you could be Leo Jr."

            "I'd sell you for a corn chip."

            "Rude."

            --

            Lila strained to see the time on the laptop, it was- three AM, great, that's....great. Great. She had to read her book about the knights of the roundtable for book club tomorrow, with the...uhm, with....Lance....

            Her eyes shot open, she set the laptop on the coffee table, shaking her sleeping brother.

            "Wha...?"

            "Lance. Lance McClain."

            His bleary eyes blinked a couple more times, "Who?"

            "How do you like it?"

            "...That's me, you're talking to me." He shot bolt upright from the couch, his face having red marks from being pressed against the creases. "Lance....Lance McClain. Lance like....Lancelot?"

            "Exactly."

            "I..." He looked down at his hands for a moment, then back up at his sister. "I love it."

            Lila threw her arms around her little brother, holding him tight. "Lance McClain, fighter pilot-to-be, artist, strategist, and-"

            "And related to the best older sister ever," Lance- _Lance_ -said with a grin.

            "Don't forget it."

            --

            There was mishaps with the old name, Lance expected that, but truly, once he adopted his new one the old was tossed to the curb- along with most of the stuff that had that name on it too.

            --

            "Julia," Lance said drowsily, sitting up in his bed. "What are you doing in my room?"

            "You're a boy, right?" Julia, in all her nine year old glory, sitting at his desk, spinning in his wheelie-chair

            "Yes?" He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and glanced at the clock. "What- what! Julia it is five in the morning! What are you doing up?"

            "Thinking, plotting murders, the usual," she spun once more on the chair before narrowing her eyes at him. "But I heard from Mariana at school, that her dad- before he had surgery on his boobs wore something called a binder. To...sqush them? I guess, I don't have boobs yet, not looking forward to it either, a flat chest sounds great. I am a girl as much as mom is but ew. No thanks.-"

            Lance had to remind himself that he was not the only one in his family with ADD. At all.

            "-Like ew, who does that Juan? No one. Anyway, it's for guys and people who aren't guys or girls to not have boobs showing. So it's easier for people to understand you're a boy. I measured you in your sleep and ordered three."

            "WHAT THE FUCK, JULIA."

            --

            A week later he walked over to his little sister with a flat chest (or, the flattest he's seen since the first days of training bras) and picked her up with a hug, spun her around, set her down on the ground, then walked off.

            Julia snickered.

            --

            Another week later Julia found the bike she had wanted for months sitting in the garage with, quite literally, her name on it.

            "THANKS LANCE."

            --

            "Mom?" Lance poked his head in the door of her office. "Have you seen my binder? The blue one? With the star? I can't find it anywhere."

            Camilla McClain was a beautiful dark skinned woman who ran a household of five and was probably the scariest woman Lance has ever known. She was also one of the smartest, working from home as an accountant while still managing to deal with her four kids on a daily basis.

            "Un uh multiple seconds," Camilla called from her desk, blanking out on any language other than math. A minute or so later she stood up and turned to her son, "You wanted what again?"

            "My binder? Blue, with the gold star?" He followed her downstairs to the laundry room, where- "Oh. Michael."

            "It's always Michael, dear." She reached down to pick up the basket of whites with the stark blue shinning out against it. Camilla looked down at it with near tears in her eyes, nope, those were tears and Lance was freaking out.

            "Mom? Are you okay? What's wrong? Is it the fumes?" He looked around the room, dull gray walls, washer and dryer, white and shinny looking, was it the detergent? Nope, everything was closed what was-

            "You won't need one of these much longer," Camilla whispered, glancing up at her son. "And once you recover...You'll be at the garrison, and my second oldest is on his path to space."

            "Mama," He put his hand on her shoulder, giving her a sincere smile. "I may be at the garrison, or in space, or across the galaxy on some weird planet with frogs with at least three more eyes than necessary, but I'll always be with you, you know that. Remember that weird incantation- with the fig tree extract that I made you do when I turned eleven? I'm pretty sure that even holds us together for life."

            "...It was during your goth faze, you were scared that you'd leave me alone if you..." She handed him the binder so she could wipe away her tears. "I- alright, mijo, alright. And you'll call- everyday."

            "....Every week."

            "Every other day."

            "Twice a week."

            Camilla sighed, going to her tip toes to kiss her son on his forehead. "That's probably the best I'm going to get, isn't it?" She asked as she rocked back to her heels.

            "'Fraid so, I don't even know if they'll let us have a phone that often, honestly."

            "And if you go in space?"

            Lance bit his lip and shrugged, "Space is weird. I don't know, but I'll try, if I even go to space."

            "I-" She huffed, crossing her arms. "We'll figure something out, alright. But you will call me."

            "I guarantee," Lance grinned, pulling his mom into a hug. "It'll be fine. I'll be fine."

            --

            Lance, as they would say, was not fine. 


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to space training.

"Mom, they did it and I'm terrified," Lance glanced around the corner of his dorm to see a big- Polynesian? He looks Polynesian, maybe south eastern Asian? Ugh. Doesn't matter.- guy. A guy. Legit, honest to god dude. "Holy fuck."

            _"I'm going to let that language slide this once,"_ Camilla's voice crackled over the line, then she laughed. _"Why are you so scared, mijo? Isn't this what you wanted?"_

            "Yeah, but now that it's here it's scary. What if he finds out? Oh god we live in close quarters he'll totally figure it out. What if he doesn't-"

_"Lance McClain, don't let your anxiety get the best of you."_

            "I was punched the last time someone found out! I was reasonably worried!"

            _"That was Costa Rica! Is he Costa Rican?"_

            "I don't think so...?!" Lance gasped as the guy turned his way, and Lance quickly pulled himself back around the corner. "Oh god. Mom, why did I ever let you talk me into this?"

            _"You're the one who wanted in, kiddo,"_ She said dryly, before sighing. _"You'll be fine, Lance, be upfront with him though, alright? It's going to be awfully tough, but I know you can do it...Lila wishes you luck, she just walked out the door. Oh my...Honey I have to go, but call me back when you tell him, alright? Michael just dropped the- bye!"_

            Lance sputtered as his mom hung up on him. He hugged the phone to his chest with wide eyes. Oh good lord please help him now. Alright, deep breath. Deep, deep breath. No binder now, you can breathe fully without too much dysphoria. See? Alright, mom was right, you got this McClain, come on....

            He took a deep breath then turned around the corner to- "AHH!"

            "AHH!"

            --

            Hunk fell back on his bed, tomorrow started classes and his roommate went from talking a super lot then nothing at all. "You okay, man?"

            He heard a muffled curse- was that Spanish holy fuck he was right- and a thud. "Now, I'm actually worrying, are you dying? I don't do good with blood man. Or heights- oh god heights and-"

            "Chill, Hunk-a-man," Lance muttered, stepping out of the bathroom and into Hunk's room rubbing his sternum. "I'm fine, I was just putting my shampoo in the shower hangar and one fell on my head. You don't mind the smell of strawberries, right?"

            "I love the smell of strawberries, and strawberries themselves. Mine smells like...I don't know but it's awesome and loves my hair. My hair is a very angry thing." Hunk adjusted the pillow under his head to look at Lance. He was a cute- Cuban? Puerto Rican? Mexican? Actually, Hunk has no idea- guy, feminine eyes, sharp but strong jawline, and made of sticks. Where as Hunk was made of pasta. And curry. And steak. God he's hungry. Anyway, Lance seems chill. Ish.

            "Hunk, you and I are going to be very good friends."

            "I hope you like cookies."

            "....Why?"

            "All my friends get cookies. Every single one."

            It was a whisper, but it was there: "Holy fuck, Hunk....my god."

            --

            "Mom, I'm a wimp."

            _"There, there, kiddo, you can do it."_

            --

            "I'm personally offended," Lance threw his backpack down, "He doesn't even notice I'm there! And I am RIGHT THERE, HUNK! OH MY GOD, LIKE, I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF HE REJECTED ME BUT LIKE I'm right fucking there what the fuck." He groaned and threw himself on the couch, only to hear something squeal from beneath him. He jumped the fuck up, "WHAT!"

            "WHAT!" The- guy? girl? person??- shouted back, then groaned. "You are so bony. My poor chest."

            "Well, I'm sorry that someone was on MY couch and Hunk hates that couch so it's my couch so HA! Ha...." Lance tried to make himself look cool, crossing his arms and leaning against a wall- a wall that wasn't there, so he fell over.

            "You're a dweeb, you must be Lance," They adjusted their glasses, dusted themself off then offered Lance a hand, which he took awkwardly. They looked him over with narrowed eyes. Oh god, they knew. They didn't even know him and they knew he's beenontestosteroneforeverwhat-

            They gave him a grin, then glanced at the door, then back at Lance. "I'm Pidge! I'm usually not this cheerful but I just had at least seven of Hunk's cookies and I found- " They shook their head. "I'm kind of undercover, but I- I'm trans too! Trans girl. But...if anyone asks, I'm a guy. Alright?"

            "Alright, Pidge, I gotcha. Does Hunk know?" Lance held out his hand for her to shake, then after he motioned to the couch as he sat down, pulling his legs to his chest.

            "No, no, uhm, only my family knows, and you, and like, one family friend? I think he knows, he's trans too. I'm sorry for bothering you with it all but here I've been really..." She shrugged helplessly.

            "Don't worry about it kid, not at all, Hunk doesn't know about me either, I'm...honestly surprised you noticed, haven't been clocked in a couple years. If you ever need anything...Don't hesitate to ask, even if you just need a room to be yourself, my room's always open. And if there's anyone else who you know...tell them I'm always here."

            "I- er, thanks, Lance, you're pretty cool for a dweeb." Pidge scratched the back of her neck. "I actually was coming here because it was super duper awful with my roommate, he's such a....homophobic, transphobic dickwad who should get that stick removed from his intestines it's so far up his ass."

            Lance snorted a laugh, "I gotcha. And damn, I need to remember that line."

            "I'm honestly an underappreciated comedic goldmine."


	3. Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge into Katie.  
> Hunk into hUNKULES.
> 
> aND LANCE INTO AN EVOLVED OLDER SIBLINGS LETS GO!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my dudes.  
> before i get that: bILINGUALS DON"T DO THAT  
>  lemme tell u, everything lance does in that weird bilingual thing?? where they're like shit what language am i speaking in? or like,,,,iC ANT REMEMBER THIS WORD IN MCFRIGGIN INGLES,,,,
> 
> well, they're based on true stories. i shit u not.
> 
> anYWAY. WE DEAL WITH KATIE'S SHIT. HUNK'S SHIT. AND, LANCES TOO LETS GO TEAM

"Mom, I made a friend."

__

_ "This is your father." _

"Dad, I made a friend."

_ "I'm very proud of you, son." _

\--

Pidge, weeks later at some god-awful time during the night, came teary eyed to Hunk and Lance's dorm room with her suitcase in one hand, and a pillow in the other.

Lance opened the door then ushered her in quickly once he'd seen the tears, "Are you alright, Pidge?"

"I- can I stay in your room, at least for a bit?"

"Yeah, yeah come on," He opened the door to his room for her, "Did he hurt you?"

She made a vague motion to her ribs as she dropped the suitcase in the corner of the room. Pidge, the poor girl, looked completely ill at ease.

"Alright, shirt off, let me see what he did." Lance sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to him, trying to look as comfortable as possible in only his boxers and tank top as he could, if only to put her more at ease.

She hesitated, but slowly took her shirt off, a bra pulled tightly to her chest, not filled with anything (Lance made a mental note to call home and get some feminine clothes, makeup, and a bra stuffer of some sort, or maybe just a bra that doesn't look like it's falling apart.) Skin was red and turning purple, he needed to see if the ribs were bruised or worse.

"I need to touch your chest to check your ribs, is that okay?" Lance asked seriously.

Pidge nodded closing her eyes and trying not to wince as Lance felt her ribs. "You're not as stupid as usual, not as many dumb jokes this late?"

"I tend not to joke when someone was hurt, abused, tossed out, made fun of, or anything of the sort, niña. Was that harsh? Sorry, my dad had that line rehearsed by the time Michael was born."

Trying to distract herself from Lance's seriously cold hands around her sternum, she asked, "Is Michael your brother?"

"Yeah, he's the baby of the family, only two years old. Then there's Julia who's turning 10, I think, this summer. And then me, second oldest, then my older sister Lila- don't ask me why my Cuban mom and my Irish dad gave her a Russian name, I don't know either. Lila and I picked out my name when I was fourteen."

"How old are you now?" Pidge sighed in relief as Lance drew his hands away.

"Almost seventeen now. You don't seem to have anything more than bruised ribs, but you've gotta take it easy, Pidge, I'm serious."

"But I have physical training tomorrow!" She exclaimed once she pulled her shirt back on. "Professor J'll kill me!"

"We'll get you out of it, alright? Just....Chillax, put on your pajamas." Lance's brain was already jumping to ideas of what they could do- note? Nurse? Nurse=note? Sick? Homesick? Personal day?

Pidge stood up and grumbled, (she already had one brother, she didn't need another...Pidge just needed to find the first one.)

Once the girl had picked some clothes out of her suitcase and disappeared into the bathroom, Lance went into the living room to start hauling the couch into his room, it was a super comfy couch and since Hunk never uses it anyway....it's now his bed. At least until Pidge finds a new room.

\--

"Lance," a voice called from above him, "Lance, please, wake up."

He managed to pull himself out of the deep sleep he was in, blinking up at a green blob...wait no that was Pidge. "¿Qué pasá?"

"I-..." She looked conflicted. "Look, I'm thirteen and I just had one of the worst nightmares I've ever had and I need-" She visibly tensed and un-tensed as Lance sat up. "Can you- I need to sleep but I can't...and Matt was- just-" Pidge looked so frustrated, red all the way up to her ears.

"Alright, gremlin, get on the bed and scoot over, don't hog the sheets, that's rude." Lance shooed her off across the room where his bed sat, picked up his pillow, and then followed. "I don't know if this is what you wanted, but it always worked with Julia, so we're going to try it."

Pidge pressed herself against the wall with a look...a look of....Lance had no idea honestly. But she wasn't complaining as he sat down next to her, opening his arms, which she quickly pressed herself into before he laid them down.

Hunk was next door, probably not to wake for another two hours, blissfully unaware of Pidge's distress, Lance's new bouch (bed-couch), and their new dormmate/roommate? Anyway. This is going to be an explanation for the history books.

\--

Minutes pass, Lance is starting to drift to sleep.

"My real name is Katie, you can't use it when we're not alone...but..."

"Sleep, Katie."

\--

The next day Lance decided that he was going to call both of them in sick, so neither he nor Pidg- Katie? Katie. - Have to go in today.

Once he finished the call, Hunk long gone to classes, Lance brewed a pot of coffee. "Katie, do you like coffee?"

She beamed.

"Taking that as a yes."

\--

Days pass, weeks pass, Hunk seemingly okay with their new roommate.

Until he asks.

\--

"I'm not trying to be rude of offensive or anything but why are you still here?" Hunk asked turning to Pidge after setting the tray in the oven.

Pidge sputtered, looking around for Lance- who was nowhere to be seen. "I- uh, my roommate before really, really didn't like me. I had bruised ribs. Lance said I could stay in his room....Is that okay? We never really asked you which is a total dick move however-"

"Pidge, Pidge, calm down, I like having you here, I was just wondering....And now I have more questions like 'why didn't he like you?' Because you're great like? And also 'is that where the couch went?' and lastly, 'where is Lance?"

"One, he was a massive asshole, just in general a bully, two, thank you, three, yes, and four, I wish I knew." She sighed into relief of her coffee mug.

\--

"HONEY, I'M HOME!" Lance cheered as he walked through the front door. "Guess who just got upgraded to fighter pilot!? This guy!"

"Lance," Hunk crossed his arms, trying to look serious. "While I am very, very happy for you, we need to talk, buddy."

He tilted his head to the side and gave his friend a weary look. "Talk about what."

"Whatever you're not telling me."

"Hunk, my man, I'm an open book," Lance set his backpack down (a backpack full of stuff for Pidge that his family sent him on his request) and walked over to the kitchen to get a water, Hunk following him along.

"Are you straight?" Lance choked on his own spit since he hadn't even opened the damn water bottle yet.

"No? I'm bi, mostly, maybe pan, probably bi? I don't know. No on the straight bit anyway, you've heard me lust over Kei- Kendra and her brother. What about you?"

"Hetero-flexible, I guess, never really thought on it. But that's not what you're being so quiet about. Lance, you can tell me anything! Really! The worse I would do is give you too tight of a hug!" Hunk looked truly distraught as he said this, eyes wide and pleading. Oh, oh god he had tears in his eyes, Lance had to find out a way to say this eloquently or-

"I don't have a dick."

FUCK.

Fuck.  This is fine, re-explain.

"I mean, not yet, or ever, I don't know. I don't know. Uhm, I'm trans. I was born a woman and-AH!" Hunk's arms were already around him in- yup too tight of a hug. "Oxygen!" He squeaked out.

Lance's friend set him down, a wide grin on his lips. "That's it! Oh god, I thought you did drugs or something- I was worried I'd have to resort to reading your diary."

"Hunk what the hell."

"I asked first, didn't I?"

"...I'll snap you in half."

"Hah! Good luck with that. Ooh, does that mean I can wear my other clothes around you now? I mean, you're super accepting and all that but some people are still weird about it and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable but you know I just...."

"Breathe, buddy, wear whatever you want. Just wear underwear, okay? That's my only request."

Hunk beamed, then rushed to his room.

\--

Skirts, all kinds of skirts, most kinds of skirts, nail polish, and heels galore. Hunk was very much a man, he affirmed to Lance, but he also really liked these more feminine items. So he used them.

\--

Then Pidge wandered back early one day.

\--

The door and its usual creak made sound of their new visitor, making Hunk almost drop the nail polish bottle all over Lance's hands. A bright blue color all over the carpet would not do well with the garrison.

Lance swore, helping Hunk then jumping up- only to see Pidge standing there with wide eyes. Very wide. Owl eyes. Made owl-y-er by the glasses.

"Hunk has a skirt on."

"It's a very pretty skirt." Lance nodded glancing over at Hunk who was busying himself with the nail polish. He turned back to the girl and walked over to her, leaning down to whisper. "He knows about me, being trans and all, and with me being open with him, he felt more open to be himself. You can tell him."

"I can make my own decisions, Lance," Pi- Katie complained, but it sounded weak even to her ears. She gripped onto Lance's shirt sleeve. "Are you sure?"

"Completely."

"Is everything...alright?" Hunk asked nervously.

"Everything's fine, I love your skirt. I've always wanted one in that color," Katie said softly, walking over (tugging Lance behind her.)

"Are- do you-"

"I'm a trans girl, Hunk....In private they call me Katie."

"Beautiful name."

\--

 Lance, just as everything was coming to a steady calm, decided to have an internal storm. Not by choice, of course.

\--

Keith dropped out, officially, the day Lance couldn't get out of bed. Lance didn't know that it was that day, and Keith probably didn't even know his name. It was just a coincidence. They were rounding up to the end of their training, and he knew he should be requesting form after form to practice in the flight sim...but he couldn't find the motivation to do it. He could barely slink out of bed to go pee.

Katie had left with Hunk early in the morning to see if the cafeteria had any orange juice, and he assumed they went straight to class because he hadn't heard the door swing open. And Lance was all alone, consumed by his thoughts in which he could not run from.

He tried to rollover. Failed. Failed again and again. You'll fit in sometime soon. Fail again and again, until it starts to consume.

\--

Hunk nor Katie know what to do, so Lance simply gets into a sitting position with help from Hunk, and leans against the big guy.

Katie, bless her heart, must have known his verbal skills (or what he had of them) were shot to hell, so she began to talk about class. Her mother, her dog....Then her other family, the ones that went missing on the Keberos mission.

Poor soul, poor soul, poor, poor, poor. Lance thought he had it bad. Had it bad and he's not doing anything, he can't even will his arms to move...and Katie is here ready to learn everything she can to get her family back.

He equally feels much better and much worse.

\--

 Days pass, it gets easier, he goes to class. Class again. Again. AgaIN-

\--

Katie sneaks out, it's a fact, a very bad thing to do at a military based school, but she does....And Lance wants to know what she's up to.

So he sneaks out behind her, Hunk following worriedly behind him.

He makes a snarky comment, in her ear. She jumps.

A moment later, something's falling to the ground and nothing will ever be the same.

\--

 He wishes he had remembered to call his mom earlier that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed. i've been procastinating in updating so u'll get the SpA c E update real sooon. 
> 
> like,,,,,in twenty minutes or less u ready???


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow my dudes my kids in space with magical space stuff wow it's almost as if Altea had their shit together. 
> 
> unlike me. (should be studying for Actual College Stuff tomorrow so holy shit)
> 
> ,,,,enjoy

He misses his dumb little brother Michael who always put things in weird places and loved to break lamps.

He misses his sinister little sister Julia who is going into middle school, and will rule that school.

He misses his brilliant big sister Lila who is opening her bakery this summer- it was supposed to open when he flew back home for break.

He misses his mom who always supported him.

He misses his dad, who was only around for a few days at a time before back on a trip, but always came back upbeat and positive in everything they did.

He misses.  
\--

Alien girl.

Space girl.

Very...very hot girl.

He didn't know what came out of his mouth but Hunk groaned so it couldn't have been that bad.

...Probably.

"Miss," The girl had said once she got him in some ninja hold. "What are you doing here?"

There was a palpable tenseness as Hunk and Pidge looked at each other, then at Lance, Shiro and Keith giving a confused look.

(Keith was wondering if it was because they worried for Lance's fragile masculinity.)

Shiro stepped forward and began to explain, making the girl (princess!!!) drop Lance to the ground. He groaned.

Typical.

\--

Lance knew that Katie and Hunk were internally screaming, he knew this, being misgendered wasn't fun at all. But. This was space! Possibilities are endless.

Reasons Allura was probably not transphobic:

1\. LANGUAGE. How the hell are they speaking the same language anyway? It could be a total misstep after being in a cryotube for ever.

2\. LANGUAGE. But different. Maybe here they call trans guys something similar to miss and there's something else entirely for women.

3\. TECHNOLOGY. The place was wicked advanced compared to what he was used to, maybe she simply had the technology to tell he wasn't biogically male.

4\. CULTURE. Maybe where she came from trans guys were treated as guys but they simply left their pronouns as is.

5\. CULTURE. Maybe there simply aren't trans guys on this planet because gender is stupid and you just do what you want, pronouns are to be assumed unless asked. If you look feminine (which he kinda did) you were a woman unless asked.

6\. SLEEP? She looked really tired.

\--

"What's your name again?" Allura asked in a very lofty way as the group split apart before meeting back to talk about the whole 'Voltron' thing. Aw man she seemed really nice to everyone else. It might be the trans-ness. OR. Or it may be the fact that he shamelessly flirted with her right as she woke up....

"Lance McClain. Soy de Cuba. Hijo de Camilla y Leonardo McClain." He responded with a grin. Then faultered. "What did I say?"

"I haven't the slightest," She drew a pointed expression, "You aren't messing with me again, are you?"

"No ma'am. I- no, of course not, Lance McClain, I'm from Cuba, son of Camilla and Leonardo McClain." Lance wringed his wrists nervously. Then tilted his head. "Again?"

"With the...deep voice, Lance, I thought you were a male. It completely threw me off, I called you miss on instinct and while I'm glad I was right- Lance?"

"I am a guy. I'm not messing with you." He looked over Allura with a touch of 'oh god am I going to die from a transphobic alien?' in his gaze.

"But you have a female body- while the type is not everywhere, it is very common, I'd think I'd notice it." She didn't seem hostile anymore, no longer annoyed with the idea that Lance was acting like a guy just to mess with her. It was...more common than one thought, considering her old friends, they'd dress as men, and form to look like men, only to act like a suitor.

"I was born female, yeah? With a uterus and vagina and estrogen in my system. But as I got older I realized I wasn't a girl, sure, I was biologically female, but I was a man in everything else. I'm a trans guy."

Allura blinked and shook her head, "Were you not- oh, Earth is- ohh, yes. Right, of course, I'm very sorry."

He squinted. "What."

She gestured around the castle, "On Altea we- or we use to- when the child turned your earth's age of sixteen they filed their permanent look, and was able to switch any genitalia or other more gendered features if they liked with the help of doctors, or advisors, like Corran. They of course could switch it afterward but it was most common for the young to change by that age. I was born a male myself, but by age nine I knew, so I switched to female come my sixteenth. I always forget there's a few planets that simply don't have the technology to do that for the next several hundred or several thousand years."

Lance gaped, a shot of envy spiking through every inch of his skin, and nailing into his heart. He shouldn't be envious, that's dumb, Earth is just going into space but...Man, what he'd do to have that. To be able to have everything a male body has. And nothing a female does...Other than eyelashes, he loves his eyelashes. And soft skin. But that's it! "I...That's awesome. Totally should be earth obligation, honestly. I- wow. Wow..."

Allura put a hand on his shoulder, a soft look in her eyes. She understood.

Quick footsteps.

Keith came back in with a: "Okay, what the hell is a Voltron?"

The princess moved her hand and went to the control panel before she began to greet the other 'paladins'. Moment over. But his mind still raced.

\--

Five minutes into the explanation of Voltron, Lance's thoughts of his transition swept away. He was the blue lion. And he interrupted Allura. Again.

Mission time?

\--

Katie came out to the rest of the group not too long later, leaving Allura, Lance, and Hunk with a proud smile. Lance didn't know why Allura was proud, but he's glad she was.

Keith was like 'no shit.'

Shiro's face did something odd, an emotion that Lance simply can't read, but he didn't do anything bad, so he let it be. For now.

\-- 

Training. Mission. Training. Training. Mission. Training.

\--

Some goddamn rest, from Keith's (Keith's) request.

\--

Lance had felt that Hunk and him hadn't had any time to just talk, so he set aside a couple hours of these three days (only three days god help them all) in order to talk to his best friend. And complain. Not about missions and training and everything that they usually have to do, but about space drama. Specifically: Keith.

"He didn't remember me," Lance sighed as he leaned back against the frame of his space-bed. "Mios dio, Hunk, why am I so broken up over this? I shouldn't be. He's a total butt. Lame ass in space. And a big ass. Big, round- fuck."

Hunk looked up from his tablet where he was learning what the hell Altean recipes were, then he looked down at Lance from the guy's space-desk. "You've been whipped since you laid eyes on him, trust me, I remember the day. And at least we know him? It's better than someone we don't know. Like....a serial killer."

"We don't know that!" Beat. "Well, we know that he got away with it."

"You're paranoid."

"I'm cautious."

Hunk fixed him with a 'you're so dumb but adorable' look. Lance would be the first to admit, he got that look a lot. He hated it. (He looked upon it fondly.)

"You'll get him eventually, Lance, have some hope, you can't see the way he looks at you. It's...pretty gay. Hella gay even."

"Don't you dare use Miles McKenna against me, Hunkules."

"Gasp." It was said in the most dry tone Lance has heard since he was at his home in Cuba.

"I hate you."

"You hate Keith."

"I hate everyone."

\--

Later that day, Allura gathered Lance, Katie, and...Shiro? In a room in the castle that Lance had quite frankly, never have even walked by thus far. Which was kind of impressive.

The princess looked uncharacteristically nervous, folding and unfolding her hands into fists, one of the mice squeaking on her shoulder the whole walk. Shiro, a gentleman as always, asked her if something was wrong, and she quickly denied the claim, walking through a- a door from one room into another room? Room-ception?

"What is this place?" Katie asked crossing her arms, "If it's more training why isn't Keith or Hunk here because..."

Lance glanced around the room quickly, recalling the conversation he and Allura had right before she told them they were the paladins of Voltron. Orange and blue and soft pink coated the walls- the colors of the different 'sexes' on Altea before it's destruction the soft pink stood for something kind of like...intersex back on earth? Lance wasn't sure, but it was very interesting. It looked medical so this-

"Princess, is this what I think it is?" He asked softly, putting a hand on Katie's shoulder, making the girl look up at him with narrowed eyes. "Chill, Kate, I kind of know what I'm talking about this time."

"Yes, Lance," Allura gave him a tight, worried smile, then turned to both Shiro and Katie. Guess she was unsure of the rest of their reactions. "I've told Lance of this room before, the day he first explained to me what being trans was on your earth. On Altea we were no exception to the 'trans experience' as I have read, however, we have advanced enough technology to fully transition. Hence why I was confused at first when Lance claimed to be a boy, now, of course, I know he is, as much as I am a woman.

"At the age of sixteen most people know if they want to transition to any sex they prefer- because despite the fact that we can change our outward appearance by ourselves, biology can still be changed. I still have the equivalent of X and Y chromosomes, however-" she quickly looked over all their faces, to see their reactions, Katie's was wonder, Lance's was elation, and Shiro...scared? Amazed? Confused? He's still really hard to read. "-I am completely able to bear child if I wish, my old masculine genitalia long gone. And...I want to offer this option to you, Corran is certified to aide in this transition across many species. Yours, no matter what he says, is very similar to ours..."

Katie wiped at her eyes, probably whispering 'I'm not crying, I am so not crying' then jolted forward to hug an unsuspecting Allura. "Thank you, thank you, thank you..."

Lance took this time to look over at Shiro again- the thought just hitting him, this must mean that Shiro's trans. Holy fuck. His hero. His like...biggest hero ever was also trans and that- wow. Wow.

Only then did he notice that Shiro was staring at him, as if it was just hitting him that Lance was trans. He had a smile that only quirked up on the corner of his mouth, and Lance was pretty sure that was Shiro for 'I'm dying of happiness because I'm accidentally an emotional rock.' He's sure the man wasn't actually an emotional rock but it often looked like it, probably because of the captivity but no one's sure, and no one wants to ask.

Shiro turned back to the princess. "I'm- explain more, the medical things that this can do, how it does it."

Allura, Katie still tight in her arms, beamed at him.

\--

1\. Permanent hormones (estrogen and testosterone)

2\. Surgeries done via tube, nothing by hand, no sutures, but it does take at least six hours, all the way up to twelve depending on the surgery

3\. Surgeries include: adding boobs, taking boobs, adding a penis, removing a penis, adding a vagina and removing, reproductive organs, all of which include their functions.

4\. Problems lie within: functions of sex*, such as sperm and egg DNA can be faulty. It won't include the person's DNA, therefore for children it has to be lab fertilized kids, but can still be nurtured in a uterus.

5\. *Sperm is still 'sperm' when ejaculated, it just cannot impregnate.

6\. *Eggs while infertile themselves are still used as bases for the menstrual system.

 

\--

Shiro was full on grinning at the end. "That's wonderful Allura, thank you so much for showing us this."

"Of course, if you want to do anything concerning this, please, just tell me and we can set aside a day. I am very harsh to Voltron, but I know what it is like being in the wrong body, feeling dysphoria overcome you, we can halt a mission for that reason. But there will have to be spaces in between, as people can be very sore for the next twenty-four hours and we need to have as many paladins on call as possible. And, of course, these machines need at least four days to recover, but it's best to wait a week."

Lance felt his heart pounding, even at the prospect of taking T again, his body was starting to become more and more feminine, and it seemed all wrong from what it was before. He wanted to do this- to do everything he could to be...To be the most comfortable in his own skin. If-

Shiro's voice broke him out of his thoughts, "I know I would like to have testosterone in my system again, get rid of-" he gestured towards his chest, Lance blinked, he always thought those were just massive pecks "-but I think I'll keep it at that. And if these two want, they can surely go before me."

Katie looked at him with a grin (this was the most excited Lance has seen her since Hunk had found out about her and painted her nails and did her hair) then launched from Allura's arms to Shiro's. The black paladin looked taken aback.

"Thank you, Shiro." In his arms, she turned to Allura. "Anything, everything, whenever. Please." Lance knows she's been battling with dysphoria more than any of them, more misgendering because of the stupid school making her go undercover to help her family, and she probably needs this more than- either of them? No, what, Shiro was captive in space for a year, tortured and made to fight like an animal, not even human, let alone as a man. He must have been...in dysphoria hell as much as actual hell.

"How about you two go first," Lance said, crossing his arms with a smile. "I've had the best luck with my transition thus far, you guys deserve it, I'll wait a bit longer. Shiro, don't give me that 'everyone before me' look, you've given enough. As we say back on earth 'treat yoself.'"

\--  
Allura puts a hand on Lance's shoulder before he can follow Katie and Shiro out the door, "You still want to transition, to what extent, so I can tell Corran."

"I want everything for a guy, thank you so much, Allura."

"You can truly thank me by not making weird noises when I brush my hair."

"Aw I thought you loved that!"

Moment over, it was settled, it was fine.

\--

Katie rubbed her hands together, going over to Hunk and Lance in the kitchen. She had talked to Corran and...she can do the 'surgery' tomorrow. And well...she needed some support. It was dumb, god she knew it was dumb but-

"Could you guys go with me? I know that it's dumb and long but I'd really like it if you two would be the first to greet me, or...something. You've both helped me so much and..." Her hands were starting to burn with the friction of the movement. "...I mean if you get called away or something of course or if you have something else planned-"

"Katie, of course we'll come," Lance interrupted, handing her a 'hydration packet'. "Chill."

"No, wait, set that down, hug time!" Hunk said, turning around the corner to a Katie with a wide grin, but also wide panicked eyes.

He still hugged her and spun the girl around.

\--

Keith knew he was not in the loop because Katie started showing up with a higher and higher voice, softer and softer features, and of course the biggest thing? Boobs showing up. Out of nowhere, just one day, she walked out, got some food, then went back to the hobbit hole of her room.

So he did something very dumb- he asked Lance.

"You and Katie are pretty close, right?" He asks one day as Lance and him circle each other, starting a sparring match.

"Yes," Lance said a bit suspiciously as he stepped forward to throw a punch. "You know she's actually fourteen, right, hands off."

"No, Lance, gross," Keith made sure to land a sharp punch to his shoulder. "I was just wondering...Is she taking estrogen, in space? Or like...I don't know much about trans things. She just looks a lot more- GUH- fuck you, Lance- feminine."

Lance swept a leg under Keith's. "Castle's got a room that can medically transition people with the help of Corran, Katie's going for it."

"Oh wow, that's pretty awesome," Keith threw back a flurry of kicks and punches, making Lance slide across the floor and slam his back into a wall. "Shit, you okay?"

"Katie can kick harder, Keith."

"Oh you little-"

\--

Katie stared in front of her mirror, her hair poofed out everywhere.

She took a deep breath and began to braid her hair into a french braid- a momento that Matt had left with her the night before the Kerberos mission.

\--

Shiro woke up super-duper-super-early, Lance already knew this, but to be woken up even earlier than that by him? It almost pressed his admiration of the man down the drain. Almost.

"Sh'ro?" Lance rubbed his eyes after he took off his eye-mask. "Whatta'ya'doin'?"

"I have a favor to ask," and by golly Shiro almost looked embarrassed- no, Lance takes it back, he totally looks embarrassed. "You can get dressed first, though, I'm sorry to just come in I'm just-"

Not embarrassed, Lance mentally slapped himself as he sat up, nervous, today was the day that Shiro was going to do his transition. "Yeah, yeah, 'course Shiro. Gimme ten. It's cool, but I don't have pants on. So." He made a shooing motion as he pulled the blanket closer to his chest.

The man at the door looked relieved as he stepped out.

\--

Once Lance had washed his face, brushed his teeth, and tossed on some clothes, he booked it for the 'Shiro' spot, which is a little corner of the side observatory. He's pretty sure that he and Shiro are the only ones who know about that spot other than Corran and Allura- but they don't know it's a frequented area.

As expected, Shiro was sitting criss cross in front of the giant window, a far off expression in his eyes. Even when he surely had heard Lance's footsteps, he hadn't moved. Lance sat down beside him, staying quiet. He was known for being a blabbermouth, yes, but this was an...emotional day, to say the least, he wasn't going to make it worse. Or better, who knows?

"I'm still a man for not wanting to exchange my lower female parts for male, right?" Shiro didn't even turn. "I'm still a man even when I'd feel okay with being called a girl, right? Or- am I allowed to look like a guy when I feel more like a girl- but...prefer to look like this? A man? What- Lance what if I shouldn't do this?"

He sounded panicked, nervously picking at his nails and voice wavering.

"Your expression is not the same as your identity. If you feel more like a girl, but still prefer to look like a guy, that's fine. You're still a man for as long as you want to be. It's a spectrum, remember?"

"Right, but what if I don't like it? I've been in this body for so long, what if I regret it?"

"Takashi Shirogane, I swear to god, if you regret this, any part of it, I will do my damnest to make you feel as comfortable as possible, to switch back anything you don't like. Whether it scheduling another session in the tube or I have to go undercover on some alien planet. But that is for the future. You've wanted to do this, right? For a very, very long time? This is your chance, this is your body, do whatever you want that will help you."

There was a long pause.

"I want this," Shiro said quietly, turning to Lance. "You're right, I'll...I'll do it, and if I don't want it I can change it. Thank you."

"No problem, I was the same way when I got my chest flattened like a pancake," Lance put a hand on his chest with a side smile, then drew his hand away to open his arms. "Come on big guy, hug time."

Shiro rolled his eyes as he positioned himself to hug Lance, "You're spending too much time with Hunk."

"Shut up and hug me."

\--

"Yes, Shiro, I'll stay, don't worry about it. I've got a sketchbook, music, and I stole one of Katie's computers. The extra cots are very comfy, please chill."

\--

Lance woke up from his nap to see a grinning Shiro in his face- it was kind of a scary image to be honest- but when the beaming man leaned away, he didn't say anything, simply stood there.

His chest was much smaller, but it was still tight with muscles- muscles all over his body becoming more defined than ever already, and this jaw already sharper than before.

Lance matched his smile as he stood up from the cot, "Do you like it?"

"I love it, Lance," Shiro did the strangest, most amazing thing ever- he picked Lance up and spun him around. "Thank you so much for not letting me talk myself out of this."

He set down a mildly dizzy Lance, who said, "No problem. But now who's been spending too much time with Hunk, huh?"

"Shut up, McClain."

"Now it's Keith, you're devolving."

\--  
Shiro looked in the mirror, a hand running over his chest, just up and down. Then he moved his hand to his face, where he had needed to shave for a long time, but never as quickly as just a few days later.

He picked up a razor and his shaving cream, and then nearly cried.

\--

Lance was in the training room (by himself, for the first time in forever, god) when the alarm went off. He was glad he was already in his uniform as he snatched his helmet, bayard in hand, as he ran to the control room.

Keith and Shiro were already there alongside Allura and Corran, a tight expression on Allura's face. Oh, this isn't good.

"ASAP mission, I assume."

"No, of course not, Lance, we just pulled an alarm for nothing," Keith said bitingly, rolling his arms as the last two paladins ran in.

"What? Lance beat us here? Baloney." Hunk sighed wistfully. "Baloney."

"Princess," Shiro got to the matter at hand. "What's going on?"

"The Galra are about to conquer a civilization with very, very advanced technology, nearly as advanced as Altean tech. If they get their hands on it, there will be no fight, there will only be destruction. I need all of you to be prepared to fight a full invasion." Allura turned to Katie. "I need you to go contact the government there, I'm sure they'll help you, but they need to know what to do, and they do better with women in the matriarchal society."

It looked like Katie stopped breathing for a second, then she nodded. "Understood."

"To your lions, then, I'll send coordinates, I've already got us as close as I dare."

\--

Katie got the government on their side. They were actually managing to push the Galra away. Shiro was leading the front, Hunk in the back as the heavy weight, Keith dashing in and out of the fleets, shooting and staying in as long as he dared, and Lance kept the perimeter by making the Galra stay out of the parts that Shiro and Hunk had already pushed them out of.

It was working pretty well, until a big, big ship came in. Katie shouted to them to clear the area- the Havanas were going to send up a missile.

Everyone got away, but Lance was on the tail end and the explosion knocked him around in the cockpit of his lion as he was sent flying in some direction- so far he couldn't see the planet anymore. Then the suns of the solar system seemed distant. Then Lance began to stabilize.

Until he hit the atmosphere of some planet, knocking his head so hard against the controls, he was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,,ghahahahha,,,,,, i haven't written past this so i need ideas ya'll

**Author's Note:**

> comments are invited  
> vip lounge gets a raffle for a fic maybe sorta, ,,,we'll see
> 
> leaVE A KUDOS OR COMMENT OR SOMETHING, OR NOT, iT"S COOL
> 
> i'm a mess have fun ya'll


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